Gorillas are Men Too
by RenjiLuvah
Summary: I’m going to hell for this! Quick! Toushiro! Sougo-kun! Help me! Wait. Who was he kidding? They wouldn’t help him. Matter of fact, they were the ones to blame for this mess... \\KonTae// and hinted \\OkiKagu// Rated for language and sexual themes.


**Ah, I've been on a KonTae splurge ever since my first fic. Thank you to everyone who reviewed and the person who drew a fanart for it. You can find the link on my profile. **

**I took a different approach with this one. Let me know how it works out. Hinted OkiKagu as well.**

**

* * *

  
**

**Gorillas are Men too**

It all started because of his friends. His comrades. His brothers.

It was all _their_ fault, he was sure. And while Kondo would never have the heart to say that his friends were bad- matter of fact, he considered them his family and no one could ever replace them, this was the one time he wished that he hadn't listened to them.

Those friends of his- they sent him straight to hell…

"Oi, Yamazaki has the Shoji screen covered again."

"Yamazaki? Che, either the badminton freak's gotten lucky or he's having a hell of a time with a bottle of lotion-"

"Oi, Toushiro! Watch your mouth! Sougo-kun's in the room!"

"Eh, Kondo-san, I was the one who pointed out the Shoji screen-"

"Quick! Hijikata! Cover his ears!"

Narrowing his eyes at his Commander, the ebony haired man curled a lip of disgust. Before the Vice-Captain could respond to his superior's order, Sougo unsheathed his sword.

"Touch me and I'll kill you."

"…"

"…"

Changing the topic, Hijkata reverted his attention back to Kondo. "The air's too clean in here. I'm gonna smoke in my room."

"Oi, oi! What about the _sake_? Come on, when do we all get to sit in a room and drink?"

"A lot," Okita commented.

"Too often," Hijikata remarked and the two rivals met in murderous glances once again.

As Hijikata brushed a thumb against the hilt of his sword, the dangerous action was put to a halt the moment that their Commander shoved the two cups of _sake_ in their direction.

Accepting the offer, Sougo quipped, "Kondo-san, why are you offering me drinks?"

"Because you always drink with us, no?"

"But you just said I wasn't old enough to fu-"

"Gah! Toushiro! His mouth! Cover it!"

"Do it and I'll kill you," Sougo threatened again, as Hijikata ignored the younger member by tending to his alcohol.

Clearing his throat after a long sip, the Vice-Captain pursued the earlier topic.

"So, it's Yamazaki this time, huh? Bastard."

There was a moment of understanding between the three men as they each indulged in another serving of their drink. It was one of those unspoken codes between the men, one of these things that only Shinsengumi members were aware of. Most of the high ranking members had their own rooms to sleep in, and while the headquarters was a haven for samurai looking to equip their weapons in hopes for justice and purpose- even _they_ had the need to spend some time outside their duties. Despite their apparently close brotherhood, every Shinsengumi was a man, and a man had _needs_.

On every Shoji screen within the establishment, there was a small slit in the rice paper that led to the entrance of the room. It wasn't a very obvious slit, and it was one where only someone who knew about it, knew where to look. Having it covered meant that one of their members was helping themselves, either with a woman or alone. So when a member passed a closed screen, before he'd enter, it was common courtesy to check the slit before asking to come in, after all, it would be a _pretty_ embarrassing situation to just walk in on something like that and most of the members preferred to keep their relationships with others outside secretive.

As the evening wore on and the _sake_ brought heat to each member's face, Hijikata nonchalantly placed his empty cup on Kondo's desk. Meeting his eyes and clearing his throat, the Commander had the feeling that this would be one of the moments that his friend would pose a serious question. And so, Isao prepared to listen.

"So, what's with your Shoji screen?"

"Hmm? What do you mean?"

"I _mean_ it hasn't been covered for a long time."

In an attempt to keep his pride as their Commander, Kondo gave a hearty laugh.

"What? Mine? That's not true, right, Sougo-ku-"

"…"

"Oi. Sougo-kun. Help me out here."

As Kondo hinted for some assistance from his third rank, he was surprised that he had invited the exact opposite.

"When are you gonna get laid, Kondo-san?"

"SOUGO!"

"You have fucked before, haven't you?"

"Eeeeh! Toushiro! Where did he learn this stuff? And that's such a nasty way to put it. Intercourse should be more of an art- beautiful love making between two people destined-"

"Fuck-ing, Kondo-san. Have you done it?"

Clutching his chest in shock, the Commander looked to Hijikata who was no help either, For once, it seemed that the pair of men who sought nothing but misery for one another, were on the same page with this issue. Kondo should have known that this was a bad sign- or perhaps an omen for disaster. Ah, what a sucker he was…

"Listen, Commander. I hate to say it, but even the kid here has had his screen covered, although he doesn't really count because he's fucking a monster-"

"Oi. Hijikata. I'm gonna hack off your jewels and make you eat them."

"Ah, so that explains the orange hair on his laundry-"

"Hijikata-"

"Yeah, the world is going to end-"

"_Your_ world is going to end," Okita Sougo threatened to no avail, since Hijikata was too occupied with his ongoing conversation with their Commander.

"Anyway, point being, you need to take a night off, Captain. And either not come back until morning, or sneak in through the side entrance because you're not alone."

Now becoming sincerely offended, the man pointed a finger at his vice- Captain. "You're talking about my door! What about you, Toushiro?"

"Don't worry. I have an excuse."

"Excuse?"

"I'm widowed."

The three men had another thoughtful moment of silence as they avoided Sougo's eyes for that comment. Nothing needed to be said on that one.

"You on the other hand, if this keeps up, next time the Superior tries to marry you off to a large mammal from another planet, there won't be any helping you."

Kondo sighed. As he looked at the two men closest to him, he could see that this was no joking matter. And as much as he would never admit such a thing, they were right. It was a long time since he had indulged in sex of any kind, but that was due to-

"Otae-san…"

Sensing his inner dilemma, Hijikata placed a hand on Kondo's shoulder. "We said that you need to _sleep_ with someone, you don't have to _marry_ the girl."

"Wha- but I _want_ to marry Otae-san…Wait. Are you saying-"

"Yes, Kondo-san, go fuck someone else instead of chasing after _Nee-san_."

"SOUGO! Watch your mouth, damn it!"

Another moment of silence and an odd look began to brew on the faces of his friends.

"Toushiro? Sougo-kun?"

It was probably one of the most frightening encounters that the Commander had ever faced before. These two men, one who spent his time devising the most malicious plan to get rid of one and the other, who spent most of his time easily foiling these plans and tending to his mayo infested meals, locked gazes, as if thinking the same exact thought at the same exact time.

"Oi, guys. Why are you looking at me like that?"

It happened so fast, that it wasn't until Isao found himself flat on his ass with condoms stuffed into his pockets that he realized he was thrown outside of headquarters. Literally.

"Get out of here, Isao. Go get some or at least _try_."

"B-but Toushiro-"

"Go get laid, Kondo-san."

"Sougo-kun!"

When the gates had slammed in his face, the Captain looked down to his palms shamefully, eyeing the squares of plastic he was quick to hide before the civilians who were passing by reported him as a pervert.

"Get laid?" Kondo thought, "But I've only cared for one woman."

It was that one thought that originally drove him to the hostess club.

* * *

Kondo wasn't sure _how_ he got distracted. Well, maybe he had _some_ sense of how, since like his fellow comrades had so forcefully stuffed into his head earlier, he _was_ a man and a man needed a little something every now and then. Still, it wasn't his intention. Not at all.

Isao considered himself a big-hearted man and even if Tae never returned his affection, he was not easily swayed to another woman. The day that he would finally give up on Shimura, it would take time for him to find someone else that interested him, and that day, was no time soon.

And so, the Commander entered the hostess club like he did any other night. And like any other night, the usual happened. He asked for Otae, and he got her, along with some friendly bruises to his cheeks and torso, but it was nothing that the former samurai couldn't handle, despite what she thought. At least while she was in her place of work, he was safe from the halberd and she had to play _somewhat_ nice, because no matter how much she beat him up, Kondo made her good money. That good money went to her boss and gave her bonuses, those bonuses would help to pay the debt for the dojo she lived in, and in the end, everyone was happy…mostly.

Upon unsuccessfully wooing Tae Shimura, Kondo stumbled out of the bar decently drunk, and his vision fairly blurred. It wasn't until the cold night breeze slapped him in the face that he realized that he didn't achieve his objective and would probably be begging outside Shinsengumi headquarters for the rest of the night, taunts from his members that he was less of a man than they were.

That didn't settle too well with him.

The man liked to act oblivious. It wasn't that he really was, he just enjoyed- well, enjoyed life. He liked to look at the positive sides of things and try to make the best of the downsides. And while the Captain was internally convinced that Otae would barely shed a glance his way, even after her interference with his gorilla princess wedding in which a glimmer of hope had shone in him, he could not put an end to his feelings for her- no matter how hard he tried, and no matter how hard she punched.

Still, oblivious or not, the thought of his fellow comrades looking down on him _did_ nudge him with discomfort. Damn it, he _did_ have needs, but he was stubborn – or stupid…

"Idiot," Kondo cursed to himself and was about to find a porch to fall asleep on and think before another presence stood beside him.

* * *

"That damn gorilla," the brunette muttered to herself bitterly as she cleared the table for her next customer. Barely a night went by when she didn't run into the man, accidentally or intentionally. Sure, this was partially her own fault, because if it weren't for her, he would have been surrounded by bananas and primates somewhere in the galaxy. Ever since she had stopped him from leaving the blasted planet and marrying off to the gorilla princess, she found that Kondo's efforts had only increased.

Why did she stop him again? Her memory was a little fuzzy. It was because she was just hormonal- yeah, that was it. Something like that…

Either way, Tae Shimura didn't know how to deal with the man. He was so persistent and it irritated her. And while she nabbed him with the "gorilla" moniker and always had her heel aimed for his temple, Isao wasn't exactly a bad guy. He was just too- too-

_Bah!_

Shaking her head, the woman gave up trying to describe her feelings toward the Shinsengumi Captain and focused on doing her job. He wouldn't be back for a while so at least she wouldn't have to worry about him until-

"Is that…"

Unintentionally, the brunette whispered to herself out loud, studying the entrance of the door that was open as she passed for a restroom break.

"No," she laughed inwardly, "It couldn't be…"

Squinting her eyes at the familiar shadow of a man, accompanied by what would seem to be one of the hostesses from her line of work, Otae felt her knuckles pop.

"Stupid gorilla, always annoying my co-workers, too."

Shimura slammed the door outside, ready to ram her foot into his head, except when she arrived on the scene, he was nowhere to be found.

And neither was she…

* * *

"This was wrong," Isao thought, "Very, very wrong."

He repeatedly chastised himself, but somehow it didn't discourage his feet from moving- moving deeper into the alleyway by the club.

Feeling the sweat prickle his brow, Kondo asked nervously, "Gee, wouldn't you want to go somewhere else- with _light_ in it?"

She didn't answer. Instead, the girl granted him a suggestive smile, while tugging at his fingers and leading the way.

_I'm going to hell for this! Quick! Toushiro! Sougo-kun! Help me!_

Who was he kidding? They wouldn't help him. Matter of fact, they were the ones to blame for this mess.

_What the hell are you doing, Isao? Get a hold of yourself!_

His inner scolding didn't work very well, and he found his will to rebel weakening as they drew deeper. When the woman had stopped and leaned against the wall, that was when Kondo had almost laughed at himself.

He was right. Who was he kidding? A chance with Otae? It wasn't happening. It just wasn't happening…

With that confession, Kondo felt a shot of pain hit his chest. Before he could tend to the emotion, he was distracted when his companion lured his gaze to her with a finger to his chin. She wasn't a bad looking woman, not at all, but still, she was a stranger. A complete, anonymous stranger… with a nice set of hips, a cute pout of lips and an alluring set of eyes-

_Damn, Okita was right. I do need to get laid…_

_What was her name again?_

The man didn't have much time to recall, for the hostess was already getting started without him.

"L-listen, I uhh- maybe we should go get something to eat?"

"No, thanks. Not hungry."

"Ah, something to drink maybe?"

"Had enough of that inside."

So far his diversions to get him out of that alleyway before he fell into temptation like Adam with the apple, were failing horribly. Before he could come up with some excuse, one that probably had to do with his line of duty, and haul ass out of their like a bat out of hell without caring about the mocking gestures he'd receive when he got home, the woman kissed him.

Kissed him! When was the last time he….

Something was stirring within the pit of his stomach, something he couldn't quite control. Feeling a prickle up his spine that he was sure was _not_ her, Kondo bit back a hum, desperately trying to stop his hands from slithering around the tiny waist before him.

It felt so wrong- on _so_ many levels, but his body wasn't pulling away.

_Stop!_ He screamed inside his head, but his fingers drew up her back.

It was the _sake_. Too much _sake_…

It was almost painful to escape the way that he did, pry himself from her lips as the absence of her warm body left his front feeling terribly cold. Still, it was nothing compared to the pain he felt when _it_ happened.

"Listen, I can't-"

There was a splash of water and automatically, Isao's head whipped out to the streets. There she was, standing with her eyes wide in shock and a hand to her lips.

It took a moment to register and when it did, Kondo felt sick.

"O-Otae-san! It's not what you think!"

He approached her, arms out and willing to accept her punishment. A kick to his head, a punch to his groin, even a slap would have felt just fine, but to his surprise, she did nothing.

Nothing! And that was not normal- not for Tae Shimura.

"O-Otae-san?"

Suddenly, she fluttered with an awkward laugh, "Oh, looks like I found a few animals mating in the alleyway. Nothing here. Guess, I should go back to work…"

She ran off and Isao wobbled after her. All he could remember was his fingers clawing against the bricks before the world spun and he threw up. Next thing he knew, it was already morning…

* * *

"Kondo-san. Oi. Kondo-san."

A familiar voice called over him, and the Captain responded with a grunt, shading his eyes with his arm.

Sougo continued, "Kondo-san. I brought you some pictures of _Nee-san_. I know you want them. I got them from my special source."

And by special source, he meant the rabid creature named, China girl, who he went to war with on a day-to-day basis and had to blackmail with _sukonbu_ to give in.

When his Captain didn't respond, or pounce at him with drool foaming at his mouth, Okita knew there was something _very_ wrong. He'd heard what happened, but it wasn't like him to apologize, and he never would, so this was the least he could do. Hopefully it would put a smile on Kondo's face- eventually.

Next it was Yamazaki.

"Are you feeling sick? Maybe I should call a doctor?"

Kondo didn't answer. If he was sick, he was sick of himself.

"Captain?"

"I'm not sick. Just old. And single. And…"

"…"

"Yamazaki? Where are you going?"

"Going to call a doctor."

"But I just said-"

"A head doctor, Captain."

"What? What I need is a heart doctor! My heart is broken!"

"Okay, that too. Then I'm going to play badminton."

"No, wait, I don't need a doctor- crap. Yamazaki!"

After a few hours, Hijikata found himself plopping beside his miserable boss. At first, the man said nothing and just smoked, hoping the stream of pollution would entice his Commander to at least have the motivation to shoo him away. When Kondo just rolled over to the side, Toushiro had lost it.

"Oi. How long are you gonna lay there for? It's been days already."

"…"

"Commander."

"…"

"Did you just sniff?"

"…No."

"Damn it, are you crying, you idiot?"

"My nose is stuffy."

"Damn it, Kondo, I should take this cigarette and-"

Hijikata didn't get to end that threat when another voice called to him from outside.

"Che. Visitors. Doesn't look like you'll be getting up to greet them, will you?"

Kondo just waved him away, "If it's for me, tell them I'm sick."

"Sick in the head, if you ask me," the Vice-Captain grumbled as he left to greet the outsiders.

_What have I done? What kind of man am I? What am I doing?_

These were the kinds of questions that had been plaguing Isao's mind for days on end. It haunted him, replayed over and over and left the bitter taste of gravel in the back of his throat.

_What in Kami's name was I thinking?_

_Tae Shimura. Otae-san. She hates me! Well, she might have hated me before a little, but this time she really hates me! She doesn't even want to beat me! Am I not worth her beatings?_

_No, I suppose not. I am not worthy of her cute little foot in my nose or her slender fingers in my eyes- no, not me. For I, Isao Kondo, is the worst man alive! _

The memory was still fresh, that woman, who he couldn't even remember what the hell she looked like, and her lips over his, and his arms- damn it, his arms wrapping around her. And the look- the look on Otae-san's face-

Before Isao could mentally scorn himself any longer, Hijikata leaned against the doorframe of his room. When his friend said nothing, Isao looked to him with an arched brow.

"Kondo."

"Hmm?"

"I think you should come outside."

"Huh? But why?"

"Just come."

"Why?"

"Because if you don't, I'll get Okita and the rest of the Shinsengumi and we will _throw_ you out there!"

"Okay! I'm going!"

The last thing he wanted to do was test Toushiro's patience. He'd been trying his fellow comrades patience for almost a week now. If he didn't do at least this, he was bound to be thrown over the fence should he not comply.

Giving a long, strained huff, the man walked outside, scratching the back of his head and realizing that something in the atmosphere was very odd.

It felt like, it felt like the aftermath of a tidal wave! Where the hell _was_ everyone?

The Commander had spotted Yamazaki sneaking off into trees, but before he could shout out to him, the badminton player ran so fast, only dust confirmed that he was actually present only seconds before.

"G-guys?"

There was no answer.

"C-come on. This isn't funny. Why'd you bring me-"

He was answered when he looked to the entrance, a shadow lingering beneath the evening sky. Kondo gave his eyes a good rub, because for a split second, he almost saw her eyes glow. With killer intent, he was sure.

"O-Otae- san!"

"Gorilla."

"Yes?"

"We need to talk. NOW!"

Her voice rumbled, and this time, he was positive her eyes flashed. Her body darted towards him and the next thing he knew, he was being dragged painfully by an ear.

"OTAE-SAAAAAAN!"

He squealed, but she ignored him, keeping her pinch on his earlobe firm and unrelenting.

"Where the hell can we go to talk?"

Squinting through the pain and not being able to walk right with her pulling him down a good foot or so, he pointed. Those few moments as he was dragged by the devil to his room, where she would no doubt mercilessly murder him, hack him to pieces and hang him from a tree like a gutted fish, were the longest moments of his entire life. He managed to pass a few members on the way. He offered them eyes of pleading and all they did was spin around and run the opposite direction. Whatever was going to happen to him- he was all alone in it.

The brunette must have been pinching his ear hard, to the point that there was no blood flowing on that side of his head any more, because when she finally unclamped her hold on him, he didn't feel it. The Shoji screen to his room was closed and the man offered her his office desk as a seat. Otae made haste in accepting the offer.

There was awkward silence as Kondo massaged the feeling back into the left side of his head and he trailed his eyes to her fingers that tapped against her knees.

_I'm going to die. Rest in peace, Isao Kondo…_

"Otae-san-"

"Listen. Don't make this any more annoying for me than it already is. Shut up and let me talk."

Kondo shut up.

"Now, Chie-chan's new at my job, but she seems like-"

"Chie-chan?"

"The woman."

"What woman?"

"Damn it, gorilla, the woman you were with."

"Oh, that one. That was her name?"

"Are _you_ fucking with me?"

"No! I swear!"

"'Cause if you are, I'm gonna kick you."

"No. Not at all-"

"…"

"Okay, I'll shut up now."

Narrowing her eyes into slits, Otae continued what she was saying.

"Anyway, Chie-chan's a nice girl and I don't really know her very well."

"Wait, so you know her?"

"I _said_ not very well."

"So, how do you know she's nice?"

"Well, she must be somewhat nice (or crazy) to ki- a gorilla- _Ooh_…"

"I'm sorry. Please, don't hurt me."

Kondo watched as she exhaled, her chest deflating as her infuriated gaze simmered to her toes. Her fingers had balled into a fist and the man was waiting for her to hit him, matter of fact, he might have been willingly asking for it, but to his disappointment, her malicious position eased.

"Her kimono. It's pretty tonight," the Commander admired inwardly, as he awaited the next string of words.

Before he could take in any further details of the floral material draped over the woman's body, she motioned to get up and head towards the exit.

"Huh? Where are you going?"

Her hand on the screen, she turned back, not giving him the privilege of meeting her eyes.

"_Primates_. No use trying to talk to them. _Idiot._"

The woman was about to leave, from his office or his life, the Commander wasn't sure. All he knew was that once she slid that door open, it was all over. Gorilla. Idiot. Whatever he was. He was at least smart enough to understand that. And as stubborn and foolish as always, the Shinsengumi leader refused to see it end up that way.

"Otae," he beckoned, and reached for her shoulder.

The woman twisted, coiled uncomfortably into his arms and ended up not exactly how he had imagined it would be. But the man had to go on. There was no turning back.

Before the brunette knew what hit her, a pair of lips hit her- Kondo's lips.

She tried to fight him off, to yell, to kick him in his balls, but the man kept his hold on her wrists determined, parting from her only to whisper one thing and one thing only.

An apology?

"Wha- I don't- understand-"

He wasn't letting her protest. Wasn't allowing her to react. And so, there wasn't much else she could do, except to sink in and wait until it was over. Problem was, the incident at hand was taking a strange turn.

Warmth gathered in the center of her stomach as her fingers began to itch. Feeling what could have been wind over the stem of her neck, the woman winced, feeling herself huddle deeper into the Commander's strangely welcoming embrace.

_Damn it, it must be the gorilla fur. Maybe I have a thing for monkeys. I should kill him and use him as a rug- I swear, I should-_

Her thoughts became incoherent babble. This feeling. Did it feel-

Good?

Shoulders broad and beneath her palms, Otae sunk deeper, earning a slothful hum from her partner until sense had finally yanked her to reality.

There was a slap.

Kondo held his cheek, looking to the _tatami _mats in shame.

Otae was about to leave again, when he asked her one last thing.

"Why didn't you just let me leave?"

Perplexed, Tae Shimura turned to him again.

"What?"

"The Ape wedding? You could have gotten rid of me for good."

The brunette laughed. Why? Because damn it, she had no idea either!

Isao Kondo was the biggest pain in the ass ever since she'd met the man. He had done nothing but stalk her within the walls of her home and beneath the tables of her job, well, along with bringing her ice cream and helping her out a few, occasional, easy to forget, times…

And he was just- just-

When she didn't answer, Kondo presented her with another surprise.

"I'm sorry, Tae-san. I won't bother you anymore…"

"Yeah, right," she scoffed instantly.

"No, really. I swear."

"Liar. You'll be in my ceiling tomorrow morning."

"I won't."

"And I'll find ice cream in my freezer-"

"I'm afraid not."

"And you'll be sleeping on my porch with a pair of panties in your hand-"

"I've returned them all. Did you count them in your drawer?"

"You didn't."

"I did…Otae-san."

"…"

"…"

"Isao…"

"Hmm?"

"You're a damn idiot!"

That was when the woman had transformed into some sort of beast! Reaching to his collar, he was pulled down rather painfully, but the man didn't have the time or the desire to object. Lips crashing, teeth grinding, Kondo coaxed her back into his arms, and this time, he didn't have the nerve to let go and speak. They slowed down, velvet intertwining between the damp flesh of their mouths as the Commander shed his jacket and clutched the curves of her waist. Falling against a wall, it wasn't until the man felt his entire body catch fire, that he noticed why this was different than what had happened in the alleyway that night with what's her face.

He was in love with Tae Shimura! As mad and evil as she was, and bad for his health, he really, truly, _loved_ the woman. The strands of hair becoming loose from her pins were soft around his calloused fingers, the feel of her hands against his stubble lined jaw were tender to his face- and while every feature of hers was almost the exact opposite of his own, he couldn't help but feel that it was perfect. The scent of her perfume, the small skips of breath between their mouths and the pain-

Wait. The pain?

"Funny. This must be a dream because I'm pinching myself and I don't feel anything."

"O-Otae-san. It's me you're pinching."

"Hmm. Maybe if I punch instead, maybe I'll feel it."

"No, well maybe you shouldn't-"

"Yeah, you're right. A kick will probably be more effective. Maybe right here?"

"W-wait, O-OTAE-SAN!"

* * *

"Vice-Captain! I think the Commander's dead! What do we do?"

A panicked Yamazaki came running through Shinsengumi headquarters, hands on his cheeks and looking as if he was about to faint.

"Calm down, Yamazaki. What the hell is going on? Shit. Can't I get a decent nap around here?"

"The Commander- there was a scream and now it's quiet. I think he's dead. What's going to happen to us?"

A senile expression crossed a passing Sougo who was heading towards his bedroom.

"Oh, Kondo-san is dead. Guess I have to be Commander now."

"_Vice_-Captain," Hijikata countered.

"Not if I get rid of _you_," Sougo sung as he vanished down the hall with a sadistic laugh.

Curling a lip, he got up, "Damn it, Yamazaki. Hurry up and lead the way. I need enough time to check my futon for nails before bedtime."

A few twist and turns through the dark halls of headquarters, and the pair of men happened upon their Captain's room. Yamazaki was right. It was disturbingly quiet.

Hijikata gave the signal to reach for their weapons. Bringing a finger to his lips to gesture silence, Toushiro was about to jump in and rescue his friend from the wrath of the she-devil if it weren't for something he had noticed. When he stood up and released his offensive stance, Yamazaki raised a brow in question.

"What? What happened?"

Lighting a cigarette, the man began making his way down the hall, the other member following behind.

"Don't question it too much. I'm tired already."

"What? But what if he really _is_ dead."

"Then we'll find out in the morning."

"But why? Maybe we should go check-"

"No. We shouldn't."

When Yamazaki seemed like he wasn't following, Hijikata gave an irritated huff.

"The Shoji screen. The slit on the Commander's door is covered…"

After that, he didn't need to ask or say anything else. Each of the men gave a nod and wordlessly split ways to their rooms. It was just one of _those_ things that only they understood. While they were indeed Shinsengumi members, they were also men, and men had needs outside of their usual duties. There was nothing wrong with that.

And while the new fact dawning upon them was a bit hard to swallow, apparently their Commander was getting his fair share for the night. No one would have the audacity to interfere with it, especially if the woman gracing his arm was none other than the demon Tae Shimura, their _Onee_-san. Didn't matter though, as long as it put a smile, and an occasional bruise upon their Commander's face…

After all, gorillas were men too, weren't they?

* * *

**Did that end badly? I was trying to close it, but it wasn't closing the way I was trying to aim for. Maybe? Maybe not? Please share your opinions and I will be eternally grateful. **

***EDIT: I've changed the way that Hijikata refers to Kondo as Commander here and there, just bc I'm unsure of how he refers to him. And for those of you that don't understand the "widowed" comment with Hijikata, it's a semi-sarcastic reference Hijikata makes to Sougo's sister. No, they never married, but that's why it's semi-sarcastic bc he's calling himself widowed bc well, if you've seen the series, you know why...** **And the subject is touchy which is why none of the men say anything to that comment.**


End file.
